I hate how much I love you
Back in 2006, at 16, and I just started sixth form, I met a pretty girl and I wrote a poem. Here goes..
I hate when our eyes met
I ignored what I felt,
I hate that when I heard your name
My icebox began to melt
I hate it when you said
“I really hate his guts”
I hate that I chose cupid’s arrow
to follow my boyish lusts
I hate when you call me names
and you thought they hurt me
I hate that they were like honey
And I’m the hopeless bee
I hate it when you’re too far
I hate it when you’re too close
I hate that when I try to forget you
My brain thinks about you the most
I hate that I wrote this at 2:00 am
Not sure if I should tell you what’s going on
I hate that everytime I see your face
My heart plays a song
I hate that I long to hold you
So you can feel the warmth in my heart
I hate that only time & space
keeps us apart
I hate that I called at 11:15 last night…you answered
But the credit never lasts…
I hated it when I saw you cry that day
The first tear made my heart beat fast
I hate that I long to be your knight
The one who comes to your rescue
I hate that I long to sneak up from behind
And whisper ‘hey, you’
I hate what you’re doing to me
You’re just like a pill
I took to get better
Instead it made me ill
I hate that you’re ambitious, beautiful, cool, daring
I hate that you’re everything a girl needs to be
I hate that when you have those ‘emotional, feisty, girl-days’
You still found time for me
I hate that my weird, confusing ways
can make anyone lose it (it’s true)
I hate that you can see past all that
I hate how much I love you…
In retrospect, I still can’t believe I wrote this. Right now, at 22, it sounds sappy & pathetic. But back then, when I believed in true love and having ‘the one’ it meant something. I’ve grown since then, had a first relationship (not the girl in the aforementioned poem) got hurt by it & let it go . So now I’m focusing all my time on me. But I’ll keep trying till I get it right.
P.S. I showed her the poem about 3 years ago, she smiled & we had a good talk about it (5 hours) Turns out she loves me too (in the friend zone way), that’s fine. As long as she knows how I feel :)
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